It is 2015 and we are seeing some pretty staggering
statistics with regards to Autism Spectrum Disorders: 1 in 68. I don’t know the
reason and I certainly don’t have the answers, but I do know that with numbers
like these, the odds are also going up that your child might be in a class or a
camp or an after school program (or the Chic-Fil-A play area) with the 1. The 1
of the 68. And for every one of them there are a few of us: their family.
Sometimes you’ll see us and never wonder or think a thing.
But maybe we had a talk outside the classroom. Maybe we are both room moms or
volunteering at gymnastics or bringing coolers to the soccer game. Maybe you’ve
gotten to know us more than you thought you would, you’ve seen my face at school
functions, the look in my eyes when things aren’t going the way I hoped and
planned… and you want to know: Is there anything you can do to help?
Yes, you with your big heart, yes there are most definitely
a few things you can do:
1. Ask me those uncomfortable questions. Go ahead,
ask them! When was she diagnosed? How did we know? Strengths? Weaknesses? Does
she show affection? Can he solve complex math problems in his head? Memorize
the phone book? Have we tried a gluten-free diet? We so often keep ourselves
removed from the experiences of others by not asking the questions circling in
our minds. Don’t do that. Get to know us. We won’t be offended. In fact, you
will be immediately endeared to us because you cared enough to ask any question
at all.
2. Ask us over for playdates! Invite us to your
birthdays and end-of-the-year pool parties. Please. PLEASE! These kids need balloons and cupcakes and an occasional paper invitation sent home in their backpack and time: time with your kids. Because the more time these
kids spend with neurotypical people, the more comfortable they become with them,
and the more comfortable they become the more balanced they are able to be in
mainstream settings. So many ASD kids can play just like anyone else
(and want to play just like anyone else), but it takes time spent around your
naturally charismatic, socially adept children to help us get to that.
3. Keep trying. You’re going to say hi and she is
going to walk right past you. You’re going to ask him a question and he’s going
to not answer. You’re going to call her to do something and she’ll stay right
where she is, reading or drawing or playing by herself. Sometimes you have to
say it twice, three times, maybe even more than that. But please, keep trying.
Touch his arm. Get right up in her face. Force the eye contact. Keep trying,
and eventually you will get a response.
4. Cut them some slack. They look like any other kid
so sometimes it is hard to tell. But having ASD is like living on another
planet where no one speaks your language and no one gets your jokes. You are
constantly being bombarded with distractions and no one else seems to notice
them. So if they start jumping up and down for no reason or curl up in a ball
or become devastated by the simplest of directions, be as patient as you can
be, give them a break, and see #3.
5. When you teach your kid about diversity, don’t
stop after race, religion and gender. Teach them about disabilities. Teach them
about mental illness. Teach them about wheelchairs and head injuries and
amputations and rare diseases. Teach them respect and patience for all things
outside the norm. Teach them that all people are worth the time it takes to get
to know them. Teach them that a friendship with a special person makes you a
more special person because your heart and your mind will grow a little bit
bigger. Trust me. I know. I’m friends with one of them.
Sincerely,
Mom of one of the 1's.
xo
