This morning I read something that threw the time-honored
tradition of thank-you note writing under the proverbial bus. It basically
accused a collaboration of over-achieving moms for perpetuating the notion that
these “mundane tasks” are archaic and impossible and entirely inconvenient.
This is not the first time I have read or seen or heard something or someone
speak of thank you notes as though they were a nuisance, a relic from times
past, from the days when mothers had time to insist upon niceties.
Given the average number of times these kinds of rants are
tweeted and shared, I am certain I am in the minority, but nonetheless…I
disagree. Here’s why:
We live in a world where, quite obviously, we undervalue
thoughtfulness and gratitude. We complain about tasks that, if we were to take
a step back from them and think about why we do them, we might be reminded of
why the tradition began in the first place. “A personal, handwritten thank-you
note is the finest form of expressing gratitude”. There may be hand cramps, and
little to say at times, but it is a monumental “teachable moment”, to sit
closely with your child, to think about a gift, to make considerations with
them about how to appropriately relate to another person that you recognize an
effort on their part to do something for you.
The fact is, we are not born grateful. No child has ever
exited the womb and turned toward its mother to indicate anything other than
hunger and the need for comfort. As our children grow, taking becomes
remarkably easy. It begins with the simple joy of learning to open a present; the
delicious act of pushing back the ribbon and the excitement of tearing apart
the colorful paper…20 years later we are masters, creators of online gift
registries. We see a sign that says “Take One” and we do. Free Samples? Yes,
please! Finders Keepers, etc, etc and so on and so forth. We are a culture of
anonymous acceptors.
I believe that one of our many responsibilities as parents
is to teach our children that to give is to receive and to receive is to
appreciate appropriately. What better way to accomplish this than with the intensely
personal process of writing a handwritten note? We are not only teaching an
exercise of gratitude, but also the foundations of civility, humanity, humility,
understanding and thoughtfulness. Respect for one another and time taken.
I put to you the idea that writing a note is not a task,
a chore to go about begrudgingly with a scowl on your face. Rather, a
demonstration of love and friendship. When I write a note, I try and think
about not only the gift or the act for which I am appreciative, but the person
who cared enough to give it. I imagine you collecting your mail and finding my letter
among bills and fliers and other unpleasantries. I imagine that perhaps the
petite frame of the note and the sideways-ness of my awkward left-handed scrawl
brought a smile to your face. And then, upon opening and reading the note, you
felt: glad. Glad for giving, glad for our friendship, glad for a life where
people still do things like send notes through the mail.
It isn’t always convenient, and certainly not easy to pin
down a 5 year old for 40 minutes. But surely, most definitely, worth the
effort.
“The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is
gratitude.”
Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich Nietzsche
Now you’ll have to excuse me. My daughter and I have some
letters to write.
Love. I don't think anyone gets upset when they receive a thank you card among bills and car dealership flyers. I have always enjoyed receiving them and I have always enjoyed writing them...thank you for noticing that this "nuisance" is just like wrapping Christmas gifts... tedious maybe, but well worth the simple enjoyment you have given :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with you whole heartedly with both. The goodie bags don't have to be anything crazy - just something that says I appreciate you went out of your way on a Saturday afternoon to celebrate with us. The thank you note is such a nice way to connect and show appreciation .. It's never too early
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